The Things We Do For Love
by e-jayne
Summary: When an Australian linguist is sent to the 4077th instead of a new nurse Hawkeye and Trapper aren't complaining. But there's more to this tough Aussie girl than meets anyone's eye and it's up to Hawkeye to discover why she's always wearing a mask...
1. Chapter 1

**The Things We Do For Love**

**Chapter One: A Perfect Mistake**

Dear Dad,

Your prodigal son here. Don't worry; I haven't spent all my inheritance just yet.

I thought I'd tell you about one of the army's latest mistakes.

Her name is Alexandra. Captain Alexandra Braithwaite. But don't let her catch you calling her that; she _will_ hurt you; she's one tough chick. In a constant act of self-preservation we call her "Annie."

I said that she was the army's latest mistake, but she's one of those mistakes that you wouldn't undo for anything.

Annie was sent to us from Australia when we needed a new nurse (you'd love her accent!). But we were really annoyed to discover that she wasn't infact a nurse. Not because we were in such desperate need of a nurse, but because we knew that we'd have to send her back.

Annie is a linguist. "A _what_?" you say. That's what we said.

A linguist studies language in general; historical influence on accents, regional variations in accent and vocabulary and the development of sayings and colloquialisms. I think I hurt my hand… Annie is multi-lingual. She speaks fluent Latin (a lot of good that will do us here; however Annie assured us that Latin was critical for understanding English), German and French (again, not a lot of use to us) but what is useful to us is her knowledge of Mandarin (the language the Chinese speak) and Korean.

Not only can we now understand our patients, but she has really become our sunshine on a rainy day.

Trapper and I are thinking of getting Margaret to train her to be a nurse. We don't want to lose her. Just between you and me dad, I think I'm in love. And actually in love, not just in love with what my eyes see. I don't know, maybe it'll pass but I'll get back to you.

Tell everyone I say "hi".

Love Hawkeye

Hawkeye and Trapper walked slowly over to the new arrival's jeep, trying casually to check her out. She had deeply tanned skin, a small build and sun-bleached hair.

"Not bad from a distance," Hawkeye said.

"Do you think we should get a second-opinion?" asked Trapper.

"It won't hurt to take a close-up."

It didn't take the pair long to work out that the new arrival wasn't infact a nurse. Margaret Houlihan was turning red in the face, whether from embarrassment or frustration was difficult to tell, but she ran off in the general direction of Henry Blake looking flustered. Margaret left the new girl standing there, looking uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"Margaret really knows how to roll out the welcome-wagon," Trapper said quietly and put more purpose in his strides as he made his way over.

"Well hello, hello, hello," Hawkeye grinned. "Welcome to hell. My name is Hawkeye and I will be your guide. This here is my assistant Trapper."

She laughed good-naturedly.

Her close-up was even better than her distance. Realistically speaking she had to be over 26 but she looked a lot younger.

"So, you're the new nurse?" Trapper asked with an almost childish grin. "Nice to meet you, we've never had such a young nurse before."

She blushed. "I'm not actually a nurse," she said with a half-laugh. "I'm a linguist."

"A _what_?" Trapper asked.

"A linguist, I study facets of language as well as speaking multiple ones."

"We welcome you anyway," Hawkeye said with his usual charismatic smile, shaking her hand vigorously. She met his grip with equal force which impressed her new acquaintance.

"Well if you _were_ a nurse then I'd be sending you back with a bad case of iron-grip."

She laughed nervously, whipping her hand back to the comfort of her side. "Sorry, I grew up on a farm so that's my natural reaction."

She half looked it, half didn't.

"So do you have a name Miss Linguist?" Trapper asked.

"Well officially it's Alexandra Braithwaite, Captain. But if I ever catch you calling me that I'll rip your bloody balls off!" she spoke good-naturedly, but she sounded pretty serious about her name.

"Well they will be bloody when you rip them off," Hawkeye remarked.

"So what do we call you if we want to have children?" Trapper asked.

Her face softened. "Annie."

"Aussie-Annie," Hawkeye said "has a nice ring to it."

"You noticed my accent?"

"_Noticed_? First thing I noticed!"

_Other than your chest_ he thought, Trapper was thinking along the same lines.

"What do you think they'll do with me?"

The friends sighed simultaneously both wishing that she could just _become_ a nurse, knowing full-well they'd have to send her "back."

"Probably send you back to wherever you came from," Trapper said glumly. "Or with any luck, keep you and just get a real nurse. If you don't mind me asking; what _does_ the army need a linguist for anyway?"

"You don't really _need_ a linguist as such but anyone who is multi-lingual. I speak Mandarin and Korean; so that'll be of some use to you, so that you can understand the patients."

"_Mandarin_? I didn't know that we treated citrus," Trapper replied.

"Mandarin is what the Chinese speak you dick," Hawkeye said, and then turning to Annie said "Excuse my French."

"I speak French and last time I checked that wasn't in the vocabulary. It seems there are some words I can learn from you," she replied with a laugh.

"Well no time for that now," Trapper said "Our gallant leader is about to grace us with his presence and use some words of his own."

Henry Blake, their "gallant leader" seemed almost clumsy in his mannerisms and his assistant at his side; Corporal "Radar" O'Reily had a look no one would feign call cute.

"I ah um… can't even imagine how this uh...happened," were his first words.

"Nice to meet you too sir," Annie said with a pleasant smile.

"Oh yes um… where are my manners? My name is Colonel Henry Blake and this is Radar." Margaret was standing behind him with another man who the Colonel didn't bother to introduce.

"I can't imagine how this happened, but I'll arrange for this to be fixed A.S.A.P."

"Oh I don't mind, infact I rather like it here."

"And we like having you here," Hawkeye chimed in.

"Well, no offence, nothing against you personally but I don't know whether we have any need for a linguist…" Henry's voice trailed off as he looked the girl up and down. He couldn't get over how young she looked.

"None taken… but you might be surprised."

"Let her surprise us," Hawkeye said.

"She already has," Trapper whispered.

Henry looked hesitant. He had confessed many times that he was crap at making decisions.

"Ah, c'mon Henry," Trapper and Hawkeye encouraged.

"Oh alright," he shrugged. "Welcome to the 4077th!" he extended his hand for Annie to shake but this time she was determined to be more gentle.

"Colonel," said the man standing with Major Houlihan. He must have been in his forties and seemed to have a constant wining-quality to his voice. "I'm not sure that this is such a good idea." Turning to Annie he added "Nothing personal." Before continuing "But I just don't think we need a linguist. We've gotten on fine in the past without one and we _are_ in need of another nurse."

"Not desperate need," Henry reasoned. "In your words 'we've gotten along fine in the past without one'."

The protestor looked broken.

"I reckon we could train her to be a nurse," Trapper suggested, he looked at Annie with an encouraging grin. If there had of been any hesitation in her she didn't show it.

"With all her experience, Margaret would be the perfect mentor," Hawkeye said. "Wouldn't you agree Frank?

Seemingly cornered, the protestor nodded silently and walked away.

"That's Major Frank Burns," Hawkeye told Annie "Faux-surgeon and Head-cockroach."

"Well Margaret?" Trapper prompted.

"We'll see," she said "But right now I'd appreciate it if the two of you would stop chatting up my nur- Alexandra," She corrected herself "And let me speak to her."

"Whatever you say Oh-Experienced-One," Hawkeye mocked. And with a wave to Annie, he walked with Trapper in the direction of the Swamp.

"She's sweet," Trapper said.

"_Sweet_?! She threatened to rip our balls off," Hawkeye exclaimed.

"Well you can't have a woman without pain."

"I think I'll have to be careful if I want to come-out of this with my genitals intact."

"You may not have to worry about your genitals if she leaves," Trapper replied.

"Yeah," Hawkeye agreed glumly. "We need to make her stay…"

"You'll have to excuse Pierce and McIntyre," Margaret said to Annie. "They're a little crude sometimes but nice enough guys."

Annie laughed. "Well if _they're_ crude then you'd hate to see the men _I_ grew up_." Or me when I've had a few drinks_ she thought smilingly.

Margaret looked at her new-non-nurse seriously. Hawkeye and Trapper were easily pleased as far as women went, but this woman, more girl than woman would be more than pleasing to them. Her bright blue eyes were constantly teasing; she had all the confidence in the world. And she seemed like she could match-wit with Hawkeye. Wouldn't that be new to him?

There was something about the young Aussie that was so easy going, it inspired a trust that Margaret was usually reluctant to give.

"Let me tell you something; woman to woman. Those two will make eyes at all of the nurses but if you stick around you'll be a huge target for them. If they're really what you want, then don't give it to them easy."

The two laughed.

"But take my advice," she added seriously. "They might hurt you."

Annie nodded solemnly and thanked her for the warning.

"Come on," Margaret said affectionately. "I'll introduce you to the girls."

Annie followed Margaret over to the mess tent where the first to be punished were suffering through lunch.

Annie looked at her guide. She was difficult to work out, even to Annie who was usually so good at reading-people. Outwardly she seemed defensive, always trying to brush people away. But it seemed to Annie that it was her way of hiding her inward insecurities. That was fine. She did the same thing, just in a different way.

Annie heard so many names in the 15minutes that followed her arrival in the mess tent but managed to remember at leat vaguely who each belonged to.

"Would you actually like me to train you as a nurse?" Margaret asked. She was beginning to like having the girl around.

"Could you?" Annie asked curiously.

"I'm sure I could; you seem bright and it's not difficult to learn." She paused. "You probably couldn't do the stuff in post-op (at least not right away), but you could help in pre-op and hand the doctors instruments in theatre."

Annie shrugged "Sounds fun and it gives me an excuse to stay."

"I'll take you over to post-op now so you can meet the rest of the nurses, then you can put your stuff in your tent."

Margaret was directing her out when Hawkeye and Trapper came strolling in.

"Well hello, hello, hello; we meet again," Hawkeye grinned.

"If it isn't Captain Snake-Charmer himself," Annie countered.

"Would you like to join us for the 12 o'clock execution?" Trapper asked, indicating the "food."

Annie was about to agree, but then decided that the two captains could be a fun game to play, even if she didn't want to sleep with either of them.

"I'm sorry but I'm on a mission to familiarise myself with the 4077 and the '12 o'clock execution' is not on my schedule."

"No wonder you're so tiny," Hawkeye remarked.

"It's a wonder _you're_ not if the food really is so bad," she replied quickly and with a satisfied smile, she took Margaret's offered arm and strolled out.

"What's she playing at?" Trapper asked as they left. "Twenty minutes ago she was eating out of the palms of our hands. What's happened."

"Hot-Lips has happened," Hawkeye replied sulkily before turning to his slop.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two: Injured Pride**

Annie wasn't as shocked as Margaret had anticipated. Klinger was wandering aimlessly around in post-op dressed in his best outfit, his favourite stole draped around his shoulders.

"That's Corporal Klinger," Margaret whispered. "He's trying to get out of the army on a section 8."

Annie smiled good-naturedly. "Now I _really_ know that I like this place. He has more fashion sense than a lot of women I know."

_At least someone appreciates him_ Margaret thought.

"Nice stole," said a kind voice. Klinger turned around to see a small woman/girl with a playful grin on her sun-tanned face.

"You _really_ like it? I ordered it from Seoul."

"It's beautiful," she affirmed. "Do you always dress so well?"

"Nah; I'm just feeling a bit dressy today. Hey, do I know you?"

"Captain Alexandra Braithwaite," Margaret produced. "She was supposed to be our new nurse but she's actually a linguist."

"A _what_?!"

Annie went on to give Klinger the same speech she'd given Hawkeye and Trapper.

"Ahh… How do you say 'crazy' in Korean?"

"Klinger I think you're crazy in any language," Annie replied as Margaret led her away from the friendly-cross-dresser.

Annie laughed "He's great."

"Yeah well you learn to live with it…"

Trapper stirred the martini and tasted it before he handed it to Hawkeye who was kicked-back on his cot. Hawkeye took a sip. "Ah; drink of the gods."

Frank looked over at the two disgustedly before returning to his book.

With a cheeky grin on his face, Trapper looked over at Frank and winked at Hawkeye. "What do you think of Annie?" Trapper asked overly-loudly.

"Just what the doctor ordered," Hawkeye replied with the same tone and volume.

"What do _you_ think Frank?"

Frank looked up.

"Well…" Trapper prompted.

"Well I think she's a nice enough person," he stuttered. "But she's just another mouth to feed."

"A burden shared is a burden halved," Hawkeye grinned.

"_And _she's another pair of legs for you guys to chase after!"

"But you don't think she's attractive?" Trapper said.

"I never said that!" Frank replied a little too defensively. His antagonists were beginning to smile. "I just think that from a practical point of view she'll be of little use when we require a _nurse_."

"So you _do_ find her attractive?" Trapper grinned. "I'm sure Margaret will appreciate your good taste."

Frank was beginning to go red.

"She's beautiful," Hawkeye probed. "Skinny, but even under the uniform you can see the hint of blossoming curves…her chest is well developed though I'm sure you noticed that but the doctor believes she's yet to reach her prime…"

"Oh shut-up!" Frank yelled. "You two can corrupt our young guest but I will be moral and-"

"Corrupt her old host," Trapper finished with a satisfied smile.

"Oh you guys…" he fumed, sounding as if he were about to swear. Frank picked up his book and stomped out of the Swamp, slamming the door on his way.

Hawkeye and trapper burst into hysterical laughter.

"Wow we got him on that one!" Trapper exclaimed. "I _really_ didn't think he found her attractive."

"Turns out he's not as stupid as we thought!"

It took a few minutes for their laughter to die down.  
"You my friend are a genius," Hawkeye admitted. "Let me buy you a drink. I'll make it two if you can work out how to de-Hot-Lips-ify the girl from Oz."

"Should just be a good course of antibiotics."

"If laughter is the best medicine then I know just the prescription…"

Annie was unpacking her things in the nurses' quarters when she heard a knock at the door. "Come in," she called. She had been alone for over half an hour because Margaret had been called to a post-op crisis and she was in want of some company. Whatever form it came in, she didn't care.

The door opened and in walked Hawkeye and Trapper. "Well hello," Hawkeye grinned. "What a coincidence; I didn't expect to find you here."

"Of course you didn't," Annie replied dryly. "What can I do for you Captains?"

"Please; no titles," Trapper insisted "They give me ulcers."

Annie couldn't help but smile. Despite wanting to play them, she couldn't help but be at least a little bit attracted to the amusing pair. "Fine then. What can I do for you 'gentlemen'?"

"Is that the Australian idea of informality?" Hawkeye asked.

"We _were_ settled by the Poms," Annie shrugged.

"So were _we_," Hawkeye said. "But we've broken away."

"So I noticed," Annie replied. "But please note that I used the term 'gentlemen' very loosely and that no, that's not the Australian idea of informality; that was just the first word that popped into my head. No matter how inappropriate it was to describe the subjects."

"That's a lot of big words there," Trapper said. "Do all Australian's speak like that?"

"What do you think?" she retorted. "I speak like that because vocabulary and verbosity have always been my forte; irrelevant of the fact that I studied language at university. However those who I grew up with speak more like the way the rest of the world _believes_ all Australians speak. Broad accent, flat 'R's and the tendency to run words together making 'how much is it?' sound like 'Emma Chisit'. However we don't all speak like convicts, nor do we all speak like university graduates."

"And I thought _Hawkeye_ was good with words," Trapper grinned. "Looks like you've got some catching-up to do."

"_I've_ been to university," Hawkeye argued. "What do you think that 'Dr.' is doing in front of my name?"

"Asking for directions," Annie replied with a cheeky smile.

Coming from anyone else, Hawkeye would have been insulted, but coming from Annie he was amused and intrigued. If not just a little stung by her wit.

"Just because you've been to university doesn't mean you speak like you're reading from the dictionary," Annie reasoned. "You two are living proof of that."

"You're absolutely right," Hawkeye conceded. "As doctors we only need to know the long medical words, I'll leave it to the linguists of the world to know all the other long words."

"We'll be leaving now," Trapper said. "I think that my partner here needs some time to recuperate after suffering such shock."

"I'll send flowers and a card," Annie said with a slightly smug smile playing about her lips. "Get well soon."

"Thankyou," Hawkeye nodded as he and Trapper turned to leave.

"By the way," Annie said as they were half way out the door. "Most of your medical words are derived from Latin."

Hawkeye groaned. Could this kid be any smarter?!

"Okay we concede defeat," he said. "Linguists know _all_ the big words."

Margaret laughed in a way that could only be described as hysterical when Annie told her about her encounter with Hawkeye and Trapper. The two of them were sitting in Margaret's tent, drinking some wine. "That is exactly what I mean by 'don't give it to them easy'! Pierce and McIntyre are highly egotistical. They hate it when someone threatens their superiority as doctors, but even more when someone threatens their superiority of wit!" she exhaled deeply and poured herself another drink. She offered some more to Annie, but she shook her head.

Margaret was still in hysterics and it wasn't in any way a tribute to the alcohol, but a complete and utter tribute to Annie's intelligence and wordiness. Margaret couldn't wait to tell Frank Burns; it would really make his day.

Over in the Swamp however, the mood was less joyful.

"Shit she's good," Hawkeye sighed, taking a sip from his martini.

"Yeah," Trapper agreed. "She can knock a guy dead at twenty paces with the power of her tongue."

"She could knock a whole _platoon_ dead," Hawkeye corrected.

"And Frank thinks _we_ give him trouble. I can't wait to let her loose on him," Trapper said with half a smile.

"That _will_ be fun," Hawkeye had to agree. "But right now we still have the problem that our verbose little friend has gone from being putty in our hands to solid lead."

"Well lead can be moulded," Trapper reasoned. "You just have to have a fire hot enough."

"Yeah but where will we get one of those…"


End file.
